Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Japan to Hunt Pandas for Research


The Japanese have announced their intention to bring down fifty female Panda bears in China's famous Wolong Reserve. They say that the cull is being planned for 'scientific research' but TGR has it on good authority that it's really because they got their hands on a really good jerk panda recipe and are just dying to test it out.


Chinese officials in Beijing thundered and blustered in public, but were later forced to admit off the record "They're just so damned culinary. We suppose if anyone's going to slaughter these magnificent creatures for late night karaoke bar snacks, we're kinda glad it's them"


The Japanese, no strangers to conducting pointless slaughter and questionable scientific experiments on Chinese soil and around the world, replied with their typical false modesty, "We know, it's a curse."


The Wolong Reserve was started in 1963 on the east side of Mount Qionglai. It is about 200 000 hectares and currently houses over 150 pandas. The Japanese researchers see this as 50 too many.


Another thing that happened in 1963 was the international moratorium on hunting humpbacks in the South Seas. There has been no known killing of the animals since . The population of humpbacks had plummeted to around 1200 worldwide, which is roughly the number of pandas left.


However, a panda dung study highlighted by National Geographic claims that there could be as many as 3000 left. The Japanese believe that these recent unexplained increases in the populations of pandas and humpback whales should not go unexploited.

The Japanese say the whaling is for scientific research and have included humpbacks on their killing agenda because they say their numbers have increased.

According to the Daily Telegraph, the Nissha Maru may see a return to the violence and tragedy that last year cost the life of a crew member. And this wouldn't just be fringe environmental terrorists like Sea Sheppards but the real thing, state sponsored terrorism directed at the noble Japanese cetacean researchers, and this it isn't the American Republican Party's state sponsored terror, but the Australian Labour Party,

The Labour Party, which is tipped to win Australia's general election a week on Saturday, promised to adopt a more aggressive stance towards Japan's internationally-condemned annual whale hunt. Military aircraft would be deployed to monitor and eventually halt Japanese ships killing whales in Antarctic waters under a new government, Australia's opposition party has said.

Some are hailing the Australians as heroes in this latest international struggle for what's good and decent in the world. Others have pointed out that while Australians stopped killing humpbacks in 1963, they were legally shooting Aboriginals until at least 1967. It's a funny old world.

2 comments:

Ræ said...

I never really understood the point of eating animals like pandas and whales. It's funny, the population rises ever so slightly and it justifies a "cull". I bet the meat is smelly and full of fat. But Japan is the land of the weird.

I bet they will be the first country to genetically engineer strange animal meat for the sake of menus.

I haven't heard too much about Labor's plans on Japanese whaling (maybe I haven't been watching the news enough), but it seems logical given they have Peter Garrett on the team. In any case, whether we were shooting aboriginals forty years ago is a bit of a mute point. I'm not a fan of aboriginals anyway. Pandas forever.

Anonymous said...

Uh, Rae, I think he's kidding about killing pandas for research.