Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A Cruise Down the Seine...

This image was originally posted at Fark.com

“…Behind us, on your left is le Palais de Chaillot which was built in 1937. To le right you will see le famous Eiffel Tower…”

“Is it on fire?”

“Non. Le tower was built for the 1889 Paris Exposition and was le tallest manmade eyesore in le world until l’Americans built zer car building in Chicago in 1930…”

“It looks to be on fire. You can see the flames and smoke everywhere…”

“Zose are le fireworks zat we use to light it up for you tourist types! It is beautiful, non?”

“Why do they set off the fireworks in the middle of the day; wouldn’t it be more impressive at night?”

“At le nighttime, le tourists are in bed after a long day of walking around, butchering le Francais, and asking inane questions, so we must light zem in le daytime. Now we are passing le Place de la Concorde. Before you ask, it is not where we keep le very fast plane. It is le largest open space in Paris, separating L’Avenue des Champs Elysees from le Jardin de Tuileries…”

“Is that man on fire over there?”

“Of course not! He is merely celebrating, and le Pastis is a lot more flammable than we sometimes remember. As we continue our tour let’s turn to your left you will see le Louvre; le greatest museum in le Republic, if not le monde.”

“Why are all those cars burning in the courtyard?”

“It must be a new exposition. La Musée du Louvre is not just le place of the Mona Lisa, n’est pas? It contains le modern art, as well…”

“They seem to be police cars…”

“I am sure zey are not le real ones, simply les modeles…”

“So all those policemen are just actors, then? There seem to be quite a few of them…”

“Bien sur! We spare no expense for le tourists…”

“And quite a lot of fire…”

“It is not fire! Zere is no fire. Don’t you listen to le presidente? France is not on fire! This is what le racaille want you to believe, but it is not true!

“Is that the president over there?”

“Oui, you see, everything is fine.”

“What’s he doing?”

“Je pense que he is playing le violin.”

“I think it’s a fiddle, and I think it’s on fire.”

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