Saturday, March 19, 2005

Happy 2nd Anniversary, Darling!

This image was originally posted at Der Spiegel

My Dearest W,

Well it's hard to believe that it's already been two years. Happy Anniversary. The time has just flown by, as it tends to when everyone is having so much darned fun.

Well, not your 1521 dead soldiers, nor my 86, nor Italy's 22, nor Ukraine's 18, nor Poland's 17, nor Spain's 12, nor Bulgaria's 8, nor those 3 Slovaks, nor those 2 Thai chappies, nor those 2 two Dutch blokes, nor those 2 Estonians, nor the Dane, nor the Latvian, nor the Hungarian, nor the Kazakh. And boy did that Salvadorean poof manage to die a long way from home. I'll wager he never imagined he would die in that desert fighting for the likes of us. Hey?

And that's just the soldiers we're admitting to. After all there's still those, mercenaries, or blast, what are they?,, as well. We both know that's a partial list, at best, but I'm just spitballing here.

Hell, at least those dead guys aren't whinging anymore. They seem to be just about the only ones who aren't. And the wounded, can't forget them. Or had you? What are we admitting to these days, 11 220? Or is it 25 000? 11 220 seems a bit light but I guess that just shows who's keeping the books.

And I suppose those dreary Iraqi terrorists and insurgents that we 'got' in the last two years aren't having fun anymore. Who even knows how many? I think we were putting the figure around 15 000, which was neat as a pin, until that irresponsible quack tabloid, The Lancet Medical Journal, started putting out that absurd 100 000 dead Iraqis thingy.
That report wasn't entirely our fault, we just published it, but it was your boys at John Hopkins that put together that study in the first place. And then that Doctor Burnham chappie has to make it look even worse when he said, "We were shocked at the magnitude but we're quite sure that the estimate of 100,000 is a conservative estimate," Who's he trying to shag? Hell, who cares? It sends a ripping strong message to the rest of the so-called innocents.

And I can also imagine, with the heaviest of hearts, that any remaining Iraqis that we may have missed can't be having a very good time, what with our cluster bomblets hanging out in dark corners looking like bright, shiny baby rattles, and all that blooming Depleted Uranium ammunition we've been spreading all over the place and the rising rates of leukemia and birth defects as a direct result. Not to mention all those fully armed and armoured yahoos that we've stationed beside every camel and dune, at least they're not hanging 'round the pubs back home, anymore.

Well, at least we're still having fun. More fun than, what is it you're always saying, "two KBR contractors sodomizing a busload of blind and bound Wahabi virgins?"

So much has happened since that fateful day back in March when you let loose our boys; the Shock and Awe(March 03), the looting of Baghdad (Mar-Apr 03), shooting unarmed protesters in Fallujah (Apr 03), Mission Accomplished (May 03), catching Saddam (Dec 03), those 4 American 'contractors' hanging from that bridge in Fallujah (Mar 04), the Abu Graib Prison Scandal(Apr. 04), the First Siege of Fallujah (Apr. 04) the Siege of Najaf (Aug 04) the Second Siege of Fallujah (Nov 04) and those spiffy elections (Jan 05), which were at least as democratic as your own, (with the possible exceptions of Florida and Ohio.)

Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for the last two years, they were just fantastic, I hope Iran and Syria will be as much fun. Can you believe it? I still haven't even picked out a tie for our Persian tour, but then I'm such a silly goose when you're around.

Yours For Now,
Tony B. Liar

This image was originally posted at

This image was originally posted at

This image was originally posted at

This image was originally posted at

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